Two and a Half Men — Season 1
Two and a Half Men·Season 1·2003·24 episodes

Season 1

Two and a Half Men

Two adults. One kid. No grown-ups.

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Season 1

24 episodes

  • Pilot
    S1·E1

    Pilot

    September 22, 2003 · 23 min

    Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

  • Big Flappy Bastards
    S1·E2

    Big Flappy Bastards

    September 29, 2003 · 21 min

    Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

  • Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
    S1·E3

    Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

    October 6, 2003 · 21 min

    Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

  • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
    S1·E4

    If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

    October 13, 2003 · 21 min

    Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

  • The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
    S1·E5

    The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

    October 20, 2003 · 19 min

    Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

  • Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
    S1·E6

    Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

    October 27, 2003 · 21 min

    The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

  • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
    S1·E7

    If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

    November 3, 2003 · 21 min

    Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

  • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
    S1·E8

    Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

    November 10, 2003 · 19 min

    Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

  • Phase One, Complete
    S1·E9

    Phase One, Complete

    November 17, 2003 · 21 min

    Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

  • Merry Thanksgiving
    S1·E10

    Merry Thanksgiving

    November 24, 2003 · 21 min

    Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

  • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
    S1·E11

    Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

    December 15, 2003 · 20 min

    When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

  • Camel Filters and Pheromones
    S1·E12

    Camel Filters and Pheromones

    January 5, 2004 · 21 min

    Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

  • Sarah Like Puny Alan
    S1·E13

    Sarah Like Puny Alan

    January 12, 2004 · 20 min

    Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

  • I Can't Afford Hyenas
    S1·E14

    I Can't Afford Hyenas

    February 2, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

  • Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
    S1·E15

    Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

    February 9, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

  • That Was Saliva, Alan
    S1·E16

    That Was Saliva, Alan

    February 16, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

  • Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
    S1·E17

    Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

    February 23, 2004 · 20 min

    Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

  • An Old Flame with a New Wick
    S1·E18

    An Old Flame with a New Wick

    March 1, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

  • I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
    S1·E19

    I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

    March 22, 2004 · 19 min

    Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

  • Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
    S1·E20

    Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

    April 19, 2004 · 21 min

    Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

  • No Sniffing, No Wowing
    S1·E21

    No Sniffing, No Wowing

    May 3, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

  • My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
    S1·E22

    My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

    May 10, 2004 · 21 min

    When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

  • Just Like Buffalo
    S1·E23

    Just Like Buffalo

    May 17, 2004 · 21 min

    When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

  • Can You Feel My Finger?
    S1·E24

    Can You Feel My Finger?

    May 24, 2004 · 21 min

    Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

All seasons

12 seasons

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