Season 1

Stuttering shopkeeper Albert Arkwright, assisted by his much put-upon nephew Granville, runs the corner shop in a Doncaster suburb, boasting that it's open all hours. When not pursuing Gladys Emmanuel, the district nurse who lives opposite the shop, Arkwright is ever on the lookout to save money, such as buying a load of fire-damaged tinned food. Unfortunately, the damage means that all the labels have come off so nobody knows exactly what they're meant to be buying.

Fed up with having to do deliveries in all weathers on his bike, Granville suggests Arkwright invest in a van. Needless to say, his uncle balks at the expense until Granville points out that it could be a mattress on wheels, a means of impressing Nurse Gladys. Arkwright buys a secondhand one and Granville wishes he hadn't when he takes it out on the road.

Arkwright feels that Nurse Gladys has been neglecting him and, in order to get her undivided attention, he must come down with a 'disease', nothing too serious, just something that'll have her lavishing attention on him. She sees through the ruse and is ready to beat him at his own game.

When a crime wave hits the area, Arkwright decides to scare off any potential burglars by putting up a notice that says BEWARE OF THE DOG but, since everybody knows that he has no dog, he goes out to borrow one for the weekend from the local kennels.

Arkwright goes with Nurse Gladys to the funeral of his friend Parslow. He's not keen to leave Granville in charge but it affords the opportunity to get rid of some unwanted bakery products for the wake. Having rung the shop constantly to ensure that Granville has got things under control, he later tells him he should get out more — as this'll give Arkwright more opportunity with Nurse Gladys.

Arkwright has bought too many apples and desperately tries in vain to persuade each successive customer to buy some. After raising eyebrows around town after finding a pair of shop window dummy's legs, Granville tells his uncle he should adopt the personal touch in his sales methods. Arkwright, however, plumps for self-service and then suspects everyone of shoplifting.